Chapter 30

Part I: Alex

            It was around two in the morning when the shiny new pager Karimov had given me went off. I stumbled around the room in search of the ringing, and eventually found it in the back pocket of the pair of slacks I’d taken off before bed. The number was a familiar one. Because I was Supervisor Buchkiev, the number had paged me at least ten times a day during the process of the rocket building. I turned my pager off, placed it on my nightstand, and crawled back underneath my covers. I was so exhausted, and I didn’t have the energy necessary to have a phone conversation with Karimov. I’ll call him first thing in the morning. He can’t want anything that important. He told me I could have a few hours off. I’ll be back at headquarters soon enough. I reached over to check the time, and my clock told me I only had three and half more hours to sleep before heading back to my office. The rocket had launched almost six hours ago now. In the past two days, I’d only had about five hours of sleep, so I’d asked Karimov for permission to go back to my apartment and rest. I wasn’t one who could function well without sleep. My entire construction crew would be on their toes until our rocket landed safely on the moon though, even if that meant going days without any sleep. With the thought of my tense crew back at headquarters, my whole body froze, and Karimov’s voice filled my ears. As I was exiting his office he stopped me and said, “Buchkiev, one last thing. Make sure I can contact you if I need to while you are gone. And remember, do not stay gone long. Most of the crew hasn’t slept at all in the past seventy-two hours, but I am willing to give you a few hours off. Be back at headquarters by six am tomorrow. If something goes wrong, I will contact you.” If. Something. Goes. Wrong. Oh no. Oh God. No. No. What has happened? What could have happened? He said he’d only page me if something went wrong. No. The rocket is in the air; it’s almost to the moon, what could possibly be wrong? Everything has to be okay. This is MY chance. This is something Kisa could never have done. Everything was fine when I left. Everything had gone so smoothly in the beginning. Nothing can be wrong. I’m just freaking out. I need to calm down. My thoughts were running wild, my stomach was churning, and my body felt numb. I had to call. I couldn’t wait until morning. I sat up, took a deep breath, and crossed the dark room to where the phone hung on the wall. As I dialed each number, my stomach became more and more sick. What if something really is wrong?

Karimov picked up on the fist ring. “Buchkiev, what has taken you so long to call me? I paged you at least twenty minutes ago. There has been an accident. Report to headquarters immediately.” Before I could say anything, the line went dead. The silence in my apartment was deafening. Something had gone wrong. My mind was blank. I had no idea what was waiting for me at headquarters. After only a moment’s hesitation, I changed clothes, grabbed my car keys from the counter, and was out the door.

I don’t know what I expected to find when I walked into headquarters, but I hadn’t expected this. People were running around like maniacs. The enormous television in the center of the room, which showed the location of the rocket, was now a black screen. Two of my crewmembers were crying uncontrollably in each other’s arms. I spotted Karimov, and he pointed to my office. My feet carried me forward; terrified of the news I was about to hear.

“Buchkiev, the rocket… the rocket is gone. It blew up.”

Karimov was staring at me, but I couldn’t look him in the eyes. This can’t have happened. No, no, no, no, no. No.

“Buchkiev, did you hear me? The rocket blew up. You know what this means, don’t you? This is your fault. YOU gave us those plans. YOU are responsible for the deaths of our brave astronauts. You told us these plans were flawless. You supervised the building of the rocket, and never once questioned your plans. You have failed us. You have failed Russia.”

I didn’t… I never… Not my fault. Can’t help it. Not me. Failed. Again. Not really my plans. Luna’s plans. Not my fault. People dead. Country failed. My fault?

I could think of no response to what Karimov had just said to me. I brought my eyes to meet his, but immediately dropped them again. I couldn’t stand the intimidating way he was looking at me.

“Buchkiev, are you listening to me? You know what we have to do with you now.”

I still couldn’t speak. I couldn’t breath.

People dead. My fault. Country embarrassed. My fault. Incomplete plans. My fault. Everything, my fault. No. No, no, no.

I couldn’t think clearly anymore, and I slowly began to lose control of my body. My pulse started to race, my vision started to blur, and the sounds of hysteria from outside my office started to fade to a quiet hush. I was unaware that my knees had given out until my head hit the ground.

…

I was immediately confused when I woke up.  Bright white lights blinded my eyes, and stale air filled my lungs. Where am I? I tried to sit up, but thick leather belts that were pinning me to a gurney thwarted my effort. I started to panic. Where am I? Why am I here? I should be on my way to headquarters! Karimov is going to be so angry if I am late!

“Where am I?” I yelled.

What’s going on?? I have to get to work. I hope everything is going okay. If I don’t get there soon, Karimov will freak out.

“Why am I here? Where am I? Hello? Why am I strapped to a gurney??”

“Mr. Buchkiev, I am not going to explain this to you again. You are crazy, you are here because you are crazy, and you are strapped to a gurney because you are crazy.”

“Who the hell are you and why do you keep calling me crazy?”

“I am your nurse, Alex. My name is Elena. I have been your morning nurse for years. I am calling you crazy because you are crazy. Please be quiet and I’ll bring you your morning medication soon. You’re going to wake the other residents.”

“Nurse? Years? What are you talking about? I’m not crazy. Who are you to call me crazy? Why am I here?”

“Be quiet, Alex. Yes, I am your nurse. Yes, you have been here for years. You are here because you made up some story about Russia building a rocket, which exploded, killing four men. No such rocket ever existed, and no men died. You used to work for the government as a photographer until you went crazy. Now, please, be quiet and go back to sleep.”

I laid my head back on the pillow, closed my eyes, and hoped I’d wake up from this nightmare soon.

Part II: Luna

“Star, are you ever going to get up? It’s almost noon! You’ve slept the day away. I made you lunch. Come, have something to eat.” Tera stood in the doorway of our bedroom looking at me with a glint in her eye.

“Tera bear?” I called from underneath the covers.

“Who else? And don’t you mean good afternoon, Star?” Tera mocked as she walked off, back towards the kitchen. I climbed out of bed and followed the alluring scent of homemade bread. When Tera wanted to, she could make amazing meals.

“I think I’ve developed a habit of working on equations until three in the morning.” I said to Tera as I walked into the kitchen.

I’d stayed up late last night working on new plans for NASA for no other reason than because I wanted to.

“I think you have too. That’s okay though. At least now you’re doing it for enjoyment, and not because you’re racing Russia to the moon.”

“That’s true. I really love what I do. And I love that you support me the way you do. Thank you for lunch, by the way. It smells delicious.” I pecked Tera on the cheek, and grabbed two glasses from the cabinet. As we ate, I got lost in thought. Forgiving my father and Tera was the best decision I had ever made. My father was finally proving to not only be the man I never thought he could be, but to be the best father a girl could ask for. His new wife, Cindy, was the mother I’d never had. She even understands my sarcastic humor. Just a year ago, my life had been empty of love and family, but now I have everything I used to spend my days wishing for. I have Tera, who’s not just my best friend, but who’s also everything I will ever want or need. I’d be lost without her. My father and Cindy are the parents I wish I’d had as a child. My job at NASA is the job I used to dream about having when I was ten years old. How did everything go from being so wrong to being so right? Sometimes I feel like I’m a princess, living my own kind of fairy tale.

“Hey, Star?” Tera called.

“Yes?”

“What do you think ever happened to Alex?”

I sat still for a moment, unprepared for her question. What had happened to him? Had he been in the rocket that exploded? Had he gotten into trouble for it exploding?

“I have no idea. He probably got fired or something. I mean, the rocket did explode, and I’m assuming he gave them the plans since he stole them. He probably got in trouble.”

 “Or… maybe something crazy happened to him. I found this leak when I was researching earlier about several Russian crewmembers that worked on the rocket going insane when it exploded. They were admitted into an asylum, where they are being told that the rocket explosion never even happened. Do you think that could be true?” Tera replied. Of course she would find a leak about Russians in asylums. Investigative journalists are so nosey.

“Tera, please leave it alone. He stole my plans. Who cares what happened to him?”

“Oh, I don’t care what happened to him, Star. Trust me. I’m just wondering how crazy those Russian spy men went on him when the rocket exploded. Maybe they went crazy enough that HE went crazy? Either way, he lost. His rocket sucked, and yours is amazing. He ended up alone, and I got you.” Tera said, wearing a huge smirk.

“You never lost me.” I said, staring into her eyes. I saw myself staring back. I looked exactly the same as I had a year ago, but the Luna I am now couldn’t be more different form the Luna I was then. My life has changed in so many ways. Tera got up and walked into the living room, straightening up the mess I’d left while working last night. We recently added a fireplace in there, and on the mantle over this fireplace sits the award Director Gooding gave me for my work on the rocket. This award is made of glass and shaped like “moon shoes.” Only I can appreciate how ironic this is, because no one but me knows that before there was ever a rocket, there was a set of plans entitled “Project Moon Shoes.” 

Chapter 29(?) Luna

The construction of the rocket flew by in what seemed like seconds to me. I'm not sure if there were sever fires lit under all of the rocket technicians behinds, but the following weeks after my completion of the schematics went by so quickly I barely knew when I slept or ate or helped my father change his clothes.

Tera was so much of a helping hand, I hardly knew if I would have been able to make it through alive without her help. I couldn't count the number of late night trips to the grocery she made, or the endless number of times she helped my father when I could not due to late hours overseeing the construction of the rocket.

My father himself was shaping out to be more of the man I always wanted him to be as well. After all of my past deeds with NASA had come to the surface, he seemed to look at me in a whole new light. Not to mention the fact that Tera effectively cut him off any alcohol he could possibly get his hands on. It was trying for everyone in the house, but after a while, my father took sobriety fairly well enough to begin being a father again. Every once in a while, on my way to the kitchen or some other room, I could hear my father and Tera talking. Sometimes it was about me.

“Young lady, I want to thank you for looking after my Luna. I haven't been around the way I aught to have.” I was always surprised by how easily Tera and my father got along, despite the difference in their personalities. Even though I disliked them talking of me when I wasn't around, I really didn't want to disturb the peace that had settled over the house.

I don't know when it happened, but I slowly forgave both Tera and my father for their betrayals in the past. Both had redeemed themselves to me by showing their true feelings. Alex really put into perspective the real betrayals of the world that I needed to worry about.

“Star, there was a press release today about the date of the rocket launch. In light of the recent failure of the Russian launch, NASA has decided to launch a week ahead of schedule!” Tera's high pitched voice broke me out of my reverie. I'd been taking a mid afternoon nap when she burst in with the news.

“What? I have to double check all of the fuel gages before they can even think about launching! We don't want our rocket to explode like the Russian one did. I heard debris are still being found in the surrounding area.” I jumped out of bed, completely disregarding my disheveled state. Tera had seen me at my worst. It was only Tera's hand on my shoulder that stopped me from charging out of the room.

“I honestly don't think you need to go and breath down some construction technician's necks right this moment. But I know you're going to insist, so before you do, I would suggest taking a shower. You've got red marks on your face and your hair looks like it's about to defy gravity.” I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror at my dresser, and almost laughed. I looked a lot worse than I'd originally thought.

“I don't know where I'd be right now without you, Tera. If I hadn't been the one to draw up the schematics for the first rocket to the moon, I think NASA would fire me for breaching dress protocol.”

Before I knew it, the day of the launch was upon us. It had been a struggle, but we found a suit for my father to wear that didn't chafe his broad shoulders, and Tera had managed to get me to wear a dress. I felt that she stared a little too long after I walked out of the bedroom, but I pushed my nerves aside and firmly wheeled my father to the car.

He insisted that he needed no help getting from his chair into the seat of the car, and I was amazed by how he was not put down by his situation any more. A nurse that checked on him every once and a while commented that soon enough he might be able to live almost completely independently. I felt a little shock upon hearing that. I'd grown use to his grumbling about needing a drink, and his grudging complements that he gave Tera when she reproduced a meal he thought only his mother could make.

Ultimately, Tera ended up driving to the launch site. I was too nervous to drive myself. I was so close to my dreams, I would not let something as mundane as a traffic accident stop me. Before long we arrived at the launch site, and were greeted by various members of press. Tera got through them without a problem, leaving NASA security clearance to me. Director Gooding greeted me with the smile of approval that I'd always hoped to see.

As we were escorted to the control tower, I could feel excitement rising from my stomach to my throat. I couldn't speak if I tried. We watched the astronauts pile into the craft that I had built with my very dreams, and I could feel tears gathering in my eyes. The countdown began, and at the same time I began to feel a little faint. A warm arm circled around my shoulders and a strong hand gripped mine. I looked briefly over at Tera who had just as much emotion on her face as I felt within myself. At that moment I felt more affection for her than I'd ever felt for another person in my life.

For a moment that lasted an eternity, the rocket was propelled from the gravitational field of the Earth to the moon. As the rocket slowly made its way the sky, I felt strangely drained and empty. I wondered if that feeling was what mothers experience after their children are no longer attached to them. For three days, the entire crew waited with baited breath for the rocket to reach the moon. Tera was the figurehead of the media's interest in the moon landing.

My father on the other hand happened to meet one of the female engineers that worked on building my rocket. After a few awkward months of dating, he popped the question. My father's wedding was one of the most emotional times I'd seen my father since the time in the hospital. My father and his new wife moved into their own home, and again I felt some sort of loss of the constant presence of my father.

My future had never looked brighter. Still driven by my frustrations of the past, I began working on new prototypes of rockets. I wanted to make them more fuel efficient and able to travel farther into the reaches of space. Tera had taken up permanent residence in my house, continuing her job as an investigative journalist. She began working on a book of the actual moon landing. More than once I caught her going through my personal journal, looking for details of the event I'd not told her. Sometimes we argued over the invasion of privacy, but I quickly learned what it meant to live with an investigative journalist.

Chapter 27: Luna

I looked up from my work only to see Director Gooding slamming the door to my office behind him. “You have so major explaining to do.”

Trying to play it off, I forced my best perplexed look and mustered a seemingly innocent, “What?”

“Luna, I think you know what I’m talking about. I thought when you said you were working on getting all of this under control, you were actually working on it. It’s been months. People are asking for proof and they’re asking for it now. What’s your plan?”

“Director, I promise I’ve got this under wraps. There’s no need to—“

“Fret? Worry? Luna, I trusted that you would fix this problem and all I keep hearing about is the fact that the Russians seem to be on to us? On to something about building a rocket? Please tell me my ears are deceiving me or that all of this is just talk.”

“The fact is that, yes, I’m planning on building the rocket they ‘went to the moon win,’” I said becoming defensive.

“Luna, the fact of the matter is that we don’t have time to piddle around. We don’t have time to allow anyone else to sniff around in what we’re doing. We don’t have time to allow another COUNTRY to meddle in what should be OURS. Stop planning and start doing. We don’t have time to let the Russians begin something before we do. They work quickly, efficiently and effectively. You should know that, having worked with Alex.” Director Gooding slammed my door again on his way out.

Yeah, Alex. The traitor. Should’ve known we would betray me. It wasn’t that he was Russian. And it wasn’t that he was kind of weird and overly confident. It was that he was a man. But all of this isn’t what’s pressing. What’s pressing is the pressure. I’ve always worked well under pressure. My mind began to go into overdrive. It was now or never. I had no more time to waste. Every second of my day needed to be devoted to building this rocket for the sake of our security and reputation. NASA’s future relied on me. I relied on me. It wasn’t all about them anymore. Sure, it stinks having Gooding breathing down my back, but my future and my sanity are on the line. I need to build this rocket to prove to myself that once and for all I can accomplish something that NO one believes I can. Gooding coming in somewhat attackingly was simply more incentive for me to do the job.

So that’s exactly what I did. From that moment on, I devoted my entire life to the rocket. I worked hours on end. And when I thought I had finally worked hard enough to sleep on it, I’d dream about it and wake up to write down the formulas dancing around in my dreams, taunting me. I had the formulas and calculations to build the rocket. Now it was the placement. What should go where. It was about piecing the puzzle together.

****

The morning everything came together, I was drinking my Tang and eating my Trix. It had only been 4 days since Director Gooding had so pleasantly strolled into my office, chewed me out, and then left—all rightfully so. And I had made it my duty to figure all of this rocket ship business out.

After having another night of productive, but interrupted sleep—the whole dreaming-formulas-and-equations thing was really beginning to eat into any hope that I might get a full night’s rest for the rest of my life—I was beginning to become frustrated. Sure, not a lot of time had passed, but I had to be quick and precise. Who knew how many Russians were working on this exact same thing. My single mind versus a group of Russians was a risk.

What was, however, wonderful in all of this was Tera’s support. She hadn’t said a word, besides words that supported and encouraged me. She did whatever she could to help me, little things. She helped me form a team of the best architects and physicists around. Only the best could pull off the building of the rocket and she took it upon herself to hire those who were only of utmost integrity. She was, as I’d seen with Alex, one hell-of-a judge of character. I was becoming increasingly thankful for her.

I had my notebook full of rocket equations sitting in front of me. I began ripping and tearing and working and re-working. And after what was only 3 minutes, it all seemed to have magically pulled itself together. I looked down in front of me. What was laying before me was a masterpiece.

“Tera.”

“Yeah, Star?”

“Look.”

Her face gave away that she was on the same page as me. A sparkle began to show in her eyes and I could see the excitement building.

“Star. You’ve done it. You’ve done it, Star! The construction team said they would be ready to work at a moment’s notice. I’ll start calling right now.”

And so she did. And so it happened. And at that moment I was feeling an array of emotions. Tera had been a full support system for me. I had come up with the final plans for the rocket. And now my fate was in the hands of experts. Now there was nothing to do but wait for it to be built. And to say a little prayer that the Russians weren’t closing in as quickly as I was.

Chapter 26: Alex

I strolled down the bustling construction dock, checking in on the various projects that were being worked on. I entered the area where the electronic components were constructed. Dozens of engineers were tinkering, fastening, typing, assembling, and pressing buttons. I peered down at one man as he labelled wiring. I wasn't exactly sure what the wiring was supposed to connect to, but I assumed he was doing it right. He looked up at me and smiled nervously. I nodded shortly and moved on.

"Supervisor Buchkiev!" Another worker called me over.

"What do you need?" I asked condescendingly.

"I'm wondering whether the control board in the main cockpit should include manual switches that regulate the combustion rate inside the shuttle thrusters, or whether we should make it automatic."

I was momentarily lost for words, but quickly regained my composure. "I would ask Engineer Fedorovitch. He's on the original planning team and I'm sure he has time to explain the workings to you."

I wandered through the maze of electronics toward the center of the huge covered arena we were using as the construction dock. Towering above the rest of the workstations, the main body of the rocket was being assembled in the middle. I smiled proudly at the colossus as I made my way toward it.

After I had taken the plans, my life changed completely, and I'll admit that I was fine with that. I was back in my own country, speaking my own language. No longer did I have to hide my identity and pretend I was something I wasn't. And I was important. Supervisor Buchkiev. I spent my days at the construction site, making sure everything was progressing in a timely manner. At night I went back to my apartment. Sometimes I would drink until my head buzzed and my fingers tingled.

But I never went back to my parents' house. I never thought about Kisa. I never thought about the cowardly way I had run out of the NASA complex being chased by a woman, and my failed attempt to win over Luna. I never thought about anything that made me feel like a failure or inferior. Those things didn't matter. My dreams were becoming reality every day right before my eyes and under my careful supervision.

I neared the huge metal hulk that was the body of the rocket. Construction workers on scaffolding were riveting and screwing in bolts, measuring, and calibrating with fine-tuned instruments.

Over the din, I heard voices.

"Are you sure he is to be trusted? What if he lets slip what is going on here? We shouldn't just let him roam around."

"It's all right, I think. There is nothing else for him to do. If he weren't hanging around here, he would have more time and reason to go talking to other people. Besides, here we can keep an eye on him."

"Right. But if the project fails, you know what we have to do."

"The project won't fail!"

I looked around a large welding machine and saw Karimov and another official talking.

"Who are you talking about?" I asked as I walked up to them.

They looked at each other.

"Trzemin. The delivery boy," said Karimov.

"I see," I said. "I would keep an eye on him if I were you."

I didn't feel any qualms about addressing Karimov in this manner. No one ever reprimanded me. No one ever gave me any orders anymore. Not even Karimov. And why not? I was the one who had acquired the plans that made all this possible. When I had requested to be part of the interpretation team, no one had made any objection. Granted, I didn't know much about rocket building, but I had contributed by explaining some English terms here and there to the engineers. Besides, there wasn't much that needed to be done in terms of refining the plans. The blueprints I had provided were almost perfect, as I assured the others most frequently.

I walked around the rocket for the tenth time, admiring the grand, stark beauty of its strong hull. Take that Luna. Take that Kisa. Soon I will be flying this rocket to the moon, and you will be stuck here on this lowly planet. You may think you have accomplished something, but watch out, sooner or later Alex will turn the tables. Haha!

Chapter 25: Luna

The moment Alex lunged at Tera I felt a cold weight drop from my throat all the way to the pits of my stomach. It was as if all the rage I held for Alex suddenly froze at the prospect of Tera being in danger. For all of my pent up rage and confusion, I could only stand stock still as Tera struggled with and eventually overpowered the drunk Alex. Had he been fully sober and his actions coordinated, who knows how the confrontation could have turned out? Luckily the bastard was drunk and quickly fled Tera's wrath to God-knows-where. It wasn't long before Tera returned to my side, only slightly out of breath, despite the fact that her windpipe was nearly crushed only moments before. It was only the warmth of her hand on my shoulder that melted the icy grip that held me enthralled.

“Star, are you alright? Did that freak hurt you before I got here?” Of course the first words out of Tera's mouth would be concern for me. I could feel tears beginning to well up in my eyes once more from the kindness that just radiated from the hand on my shoulder.

“Tera, you were just nearly strangled and you're asking me if I'm okay?! I think you may be the freak here.” The look on my old partner's face was just what I needed to banish the tears in my eyes, as she tried to look both indignant and amused at the same time.

“If you're making sarcastic remarks, I suppose you're unharmed for the most part aside from your usual post-brain damage trauma. Sit tight for a minute, I'll bring your father in here while I check out a hunch.” And without even waiting for a reply, Tera was out the door. Not even five minutes later my confused father was wheeled through the door with a bewildered look on his face. The door shut and I could hear Tera's footsteps heading down the hall.

“What's all the ruckus about? Did that young lady tell me correctly that some Russian man just attacked her? That's what we have the goddamn army for isn't it? Keeping those Ruskies out?!” It was almost amusing to hear my father use that spluttering angry tone of voice at someone besides myself. It took several minutes to explain what of the situation I could to my father without giving away too many NASA secrets. By the time a natural lull befell our conversation, Tera appeared in the doorway appearing a little rushed.

“Alright Star and father of Star, I do believe it is time for us to take our leave, considering your papers are missing and what not.” Before I even had time to think of a protest, Tera shoved a black object into a purse that I had not even noticed her enter the building with, grabbed the handles of my father's wheelchair and hurried out the door and around a corner towards the exit.

A little confused, I walked to my desk and grabbed my clunky calculator and some other equipment I didn't have at home. By the time my bag was ready one of the guards from a sector I didn't recognize ran past my door. Upon seeing me he doubled back gasping for breath.

“Did you see a woman of average hight, dark hair, wearing a blue blouse happen to come this way ma'am?” The guard had just described Tera, explaining why she'd been in such a hurry to leave. I was torn for a moment, worried she'd taken some information she would again use to betray me and my work. But I remembered the kindness in her eyes when she'd ignored her own pain to make sure I was fine. Wordlessly, I walked to the door and pointed to a branch of the hallway opposite of the way Tera went. Luckily the guy was stupid enough to dash in the direction I indicated.

I waited a moment before locking my office and taking the corner I knew would lead me to Tera. She'd made it all the way to her car unhindered, and gave me one of her 'we'll talk later' looks. Deciding to keep the peace, I kept silent. It was only once we'd driven half-way to my house that the worry began to set in. My plans were stolen, Alex was psychotic and apparently Russian, and to top it all off, I was still recovering from the shock of two people I'd thought I would never see again in my life were now staying at my place.

Nervously I began to tap my house key against the dash of Tera's car, and when she pulled up to my house, I automatically got out to unlock the front door and hold it open while Tera wheeled my father inside. The door shut with a click the moment Tera turned around to face me, purse in hand. She held it as if the secrets of the universe were held inside. I raised my eyebrow slightly, a common gesture I had to use to get Tera to explain herself.

Out of the purse Tera pulled a shiny black tape, that looked suspiciously enough like it came from the security center of NASA. Seeing the recognition on my face, Tera held up a hand.

“Don't say anything until you what I've got to show you, I'm pretty sure I know who stole your plans, and how.” She pressed play, and the tape began rolling with a soft click and some whirs. The picture was a bit scratchy and dim, but clearly showed a man in a mask unlocking the door to my office, slipping inside and coming back out a few minutes later clutching a folder.

“I'm almost positive that man is your Russian office-mate, Star. It would explain a lot if he were a Russian spy after your work.” My head began to spin as I recalled all the times Alex was nice to me, every time I thought he was attractive, and every moment of pleasure I experienced at the thought that he was interested in me romantically. I felt disgusted, used, and angry. I clenched my fist so hard I could feel every joint in my fingers crack in protest.

“Star, I can only guess what you're feeling right now, but I have to tell you it's not health, you need an outlet for your emotions other than your work. If I know you correctly, I bet right now you want to throw yourself right into rebuilding those schematics.” I opened my mouth to protest, but she shushed me. “I think you should come with me to my self-defense class. It's done wonders for getting ride of the pudge I had around my stomach forever, and my instructor says I have a good right hook.”

For a moment, I could only stare at Tera. Only she could change subjects so drastically, yet still make sense. I almost laughed until the thought of Alex taking my plans to the Russian science facility flitted into my brain.

“Tera, I'd love to get a workout, I'm sure I need it. No wonder you were able to fight of a drunk Russian spy so easily. But I HAVE to get those plans done. I just don't have time to get anything done, if we're going to be racing against the Russians.” I was slightly out of breath when I finished talking. A bubbly giggle brought my attention back to Tera, and I noticed a look of mirth on her face.

“Star, you are such an air-head. Don't you remember just last night, or was it yesterday morning? You told me that there was something wrong with your plans. If anything, you'll have set the Russians back some. If they do build a rocket with bad schematics, they'll end up wasting more time than you possibly could learning how to defend yourself from all the big bad men in the world.” From the corner we'd left my father, I could hare him either grunt in indignation or agreement. I couldn't really tell which.

Faced with Tera's logic, I couldn't help but agree. I was beyond angry at Alex for everything he'd done to me, every lie he'd told. So, I signed up for the self-defense class the following day. NASA had been informed of the security breech Alex caused, and was in an uproar. Apparently Alex had not been the first leak in the system, and was probably not the last. Tera's theft of the security tape had also not helped with the back-lash the security department received over the following weeks.

It had been surprisingly easy to get clearance for working at home. The higher-ups viewed my personal residence as more secure than the NASA facility. As the weeks passed, I began to settle more into the the fast pace my life had developed. Tera moved some of her possessions to my place so she could stick around more to help with my father, and surprisingly they got along quite well. Almost every surface in my house soon filled with papers, mathematic scribblings all over them.

Every morning I would wake up, still unsure of how I should feel sleeping next to Tera, make coffee and jot down some figures. My father was actually of some help, having worked in mechanics all his life. He was able to explain some aspects of machines in a way I'd never thought about for all my education at MIT. After breakfast I would go to class and learn all about punching and kicking and finding my center. I always performed my best sparring when I visualized my opponent as Alex giving me one of those obnoxious salutes I used to find endearing.

After returning home, I would wash up, take care of some of my father's needs, and then resume working on the schematics until dinner. Tera would usually barge into my workspace with some plate or another and wave it under my nose until my growling stomach forced me to take a break from work. It took many late night, and frustrated tears, but I finally cracked the problems plaguing me before. My propulsion system was not proportional to the formula of fuel I had developed before. The chemicals were all wrong.

As I was nearing the final stretches of completing my schematics, and preparing to obtain my purple belt in karate, the first whispers of a Russian rocket being built began to work their way around NASA. I had to check in weekly to report my progress, and it was about two months after Alex vanished with my plans that our intelligence in Russia began reporting rocket construction. Just in case the Russian scientists somehow figured out my plans were wrong, I doubled my efforts. There was no way Alex or the Russians would beat me to my dreams.

Chapter 24: Alex

I have done it. I have really done it, I thought as I sat in my cramped apartment, rejoicing in my recent success – delivering tangible results of my undercover work to Chairman Kerimov. You have outdone yourself this time, I told myself. Stealing the plans was certainly a good move, but personally delivering them to Kerimov was a stroke of pure genius! With a celebratory bottle of White Gold Premium in my hands, I thought through the events of the day in an attempt to re-live it in all its glory.

…

I picked up my phone and dialed Kerimov’s office number.

“This is Grisha. May I help you?” I had never needed to directly call Kerimov, so I was shocked to hear such a direct greeting. I suppose if you are powerful enough to have this number, then you already know who you are calling and there is no need to hide anything from you, I reasoned.

“Yes. This is Aleksandr Buchkiev, and I need two things from you. One, I need you to schedule an appointment for me with Chairman Kerimov. I will only need an hour with him. I have something for him, and I think he will want it sooner rather than later. Two, I need you to arrange for a jet to pick me up and take me there. I want to leave soon, no more than two hours from now. And I will need the jet to fly me back here after I meet with Kerimov,” I said authoritatively.

“Uh huh. Remind me again who this is,” Grisha said disdainfully. He did not sound too thrilled to be hearing from me, and he definitely did not like the demands I was making. Sure, it was a lot of work for him to set up a jet flight on such short notice, especially considering I would only be in the Motherland for a few hours. But who cares? His job is to serve; he might as well serve me, I thought.

Fortunately, Grisha agreed to make the proper arrangements, and I left within the hour.

On the flight, all I could initially think about was Kerimov’s reaction. I imagined him praising me for my intelligence and skill. This is just fantastic, Aleksandr. You are a great asset to this country. But eventually my thoughts drifted to Kisa. Here I was, delivering plans for a fully-functioning rocket to bring honor to Russia, and my bitchy, ballerina sister would still receive more glory just for spinning around in circles. I knew I was better than her, and this is my personal proof. Sure, she can prance around on stage and look pretty. But I am furthering the interests of this entire nation. And my parents will never know. But I am better than her. Better, better, better!

When I got off the plane and made my way to Kerimov’s office, my pride was almost unbearable. I could not wait to tell Kerimov what I had done!

“You needed to see me, Buchkiev? I hear it’s urgent,” said Kerimov the second I entered his office.

“I have the plans,” I said, trying to suppress a smile as I handed them over to the chairman.

“Well, well, well. You proved useful after all. It seems I just had to light a fire under your toes,” said Kerimov. I was a little bit frustrated that he had not started praising me immediately, but I waited patiently and tried not to let my disappointment reveal itself on my face.

“But I must say,” Kerimov continued, “that was pretty quick. I am pleased with your work and expect you to keep doing it. Don’t let this distract you. I will have a new project for you by the end of the week, and it will require that you keep up appearances in America. So get back to the United States and await your new orders.”

As I walked out of his office, Kerimov congratulated me one final time on a job well done. I thanked him, smiled to myself, and headed straight to the jet Grisha had waiting for me.

…

The clank of an empty bottle in my hand woke me from my reveries. I lay down on the couch in an attempt to steady myself; the room started spinning and I soon became dizzy. I have really got to start taking it easy with the vodka.

I shortly realized that lying down was not the best idea. I stood up and stumbled my way into the kitchen for a glass of water. Just then a thought occurred to me: Luna. I left her at the hospital. She must feel like I have abandoned her. If that’s the case, then I am already failing my next assignment. I have to find Luna and try to ‘make nice.’ And I thought I was through with her, too. Well, I don’t have much of a choice. I’ll have to make her love me again. It shouldn’t be too difficult. I’m charming and attractive; she’s ignorant and gullible.

The last time we talked, Luna said her dad would be released soon, so I figured my best chance of finding Luna would be at the office. I called a taxi and directed it to the NASA complex. As I stumbled through the doors I had so recently broken through, my stomach began to churn. At first I couldn’t tell if that was my nerves talking, or the vodka. I decided it was probably a combination of the two and I considered going home and talking with Luna another day. But something in me kept pushing my body forward, and before I knew it, I was in Luna’s and my shared office.

“Alex!” Luna looked up quickly from her work when I entered.

“Luna, how are you?”

Immediately, I knew I had said something wrong. Luna looked puzzled for a moment. Under her breath she mumbled, “You bastard.” But then her expression turned to one of – I’m not sure what to call it – frenzy. She was definitely angry, but I had no idea why.

“YOU BASTARD! How dare you! It was your voice on the phone, you damned liar! Who the hell are you, anyway?” she shouted at me. Why is she so angry? How does she know I am not who I appear to be? Then I realized: My accent. I can’t control it as well when I’m drunk. Shit. I knew this was a bad idea. I should have left her alone for the night. How could I let this stupid girl jeopardize my career?

“So you are the one who paged me earlier this week. What do you know, Alex? What do you know, you son-of-a-bitch?” Luna continued to yell. “And you are Russian! Has everything you’ve ever told me been a lie?”

I needed to get out of there, and fast, before Luna realized my true identity. I was especially afraid that she might connect the dots and recognize that I stole her rocket plans. Wait a second, I thought. This is Luna we’re talking about here. She probably hasn’t even noticed that her plans are missing. God, she is so thick. Any intelligent human being would have called me out for stealing them already. She is so damn clueless!

Just as I started to leave on the off chance that Luna would use some common sense for once in her life, Tera walked in. Since Tera had already threatened my relationship with Luna once, I feared she might be the one to ruin me. I walked up to her and wrapped my hands around her throat. For a second, I felt all-powerful. I was finally going to stop this bitch. But then she started fighting back, and the vodka made me less steady and slowed my reflexes. Before I knew it, Tera was free of my grip and moving toward me. All I could do was to flee.

23: Luna

Tera continued to hold me for another few moments before gently nuzzling her cheek against the top of my head, inhaling quietly. I could tell that even in this moment of terror, she was enjoying what little peace she could take from something as simple as the fact that I still used the same shampoo she once recommended to me. I sniffled a bit, swallowing back as many of the tears as I could. “I need to get my plans, Tera. If I’m going to have to take care of my father and keep up with my work, I need to get all of my papers together and bring them back here.” I saw the disapproving look in her eyes almost before it appeared. “I’m not trying to cover it up anymore, Tera. I’m trying to make it work. But something is wrong with my calculations and I don’t know what it is. I have to figure it out. I have to make it work. I need it to work.”

Tera sighed. “Star, you know I’m here for you, but you had better never leave me to take care of your father all by myself, especially if it is to break the trust of the American people all over again. You have to get the math right this time. No more lies.”

“Don’t worry, Tera. I’ll—no, we’ll—figure it out. But it is a long trip back to NASA and I’ll need those papers soon if I’m going to get this project to work so that we don’t have to worry about the cover-up anymore.”

She sighed and mumbled, “All right, fine, I’ll go see about getting your father released this afternoon. But you still have to help. You can’t go stealing my car or anything.”

“Now, why would you even suggest such a thing?” I grinned mischievously at her. “I promise I won’t steal your car.”

We went back into the hospital, splitting up just inside the entrance. Tera went to go see what paperwork was necessary to get my father released immediately now that his condition was stable; I went back toward his room and stood in the hallway, remembering life as it had been in the past and how it would inevitably be in the very near future. All I could hope was that, with any luck, he would learn very quickly how to be self-sufficient. He could say all he wanted about being proud of me or about making a change in our relationship, but I knew that those behaviors that had made me disown him as soon as I could were set in stone and would never remain changed for very long. No amount of remorse brought on by painkillers and missing legs can really change anything, I thought bitterly.

Eventually Tera returned with a collection of nurses ready to help us gather up my father and leave. “You’ll have to be careful with him, dearie,” one old woman whispered. “It’s going to be hard for him to adjust. He won’t be able to walk, so you’ll need to get him a special wheelchair and make your house more accessible for him. You’ll probably have to give him baths every day or two for a while, just until he gets used to doing it for himself. He’s going to need help going everywhere and doing everything, so just be patient with him. It’ll be fine.” She smiled at me sympathetically, a fake tear gleaming in the corner of her eye.

I glared at her, hating the list of things she had just mentioned, wishing that none of it was real, that nothing had ever happened. Of course, wishing does nothing but slow you down and waste the time that you could use working through problems like getting to the moon. Think about the moon, not about your father. Get to the moon first, then deal with him. With her. With this whole mess.

After a painfully long hour waiting on all of the necessary paperwork and the heavy lifting that took place despite my father’s many protests, Tera and I loaded Dad into the backseat of the car and began the drive back to NASA. Though there were times when I wanted to start a conversation, to ask all the whys and hows I never got to ask before, but with my drunk of a father sitting in the backseat, barely able to hold himself up on the winding roads of the Southern backcountry we were driving through, I felt even more constrained than I ever had in our office, even knowing there was always a chance someone was listening in. At least there I could hold to the illusion of privacy. In this crowded little car, there was no such thing.

Hours later, we arrived back at home. The sun was setting, leaving a purplish stain across the sky. I was slumped down in my seat, the weight of my father’s presence pressing down onto my shoulders, causing tension and pain to shoot through my joints at every loud snore or cough. Tera could tell by the position of my body that another moment in such close proximity to my father without the intellectual buffer my plans would provide would likely end in death, so she quickly got out of the car and ran to help my father make it into his new wheelchair.

We sat silently through dinner, each waiting for the others to go to bed. Eventually, we all forced ourselves to sleep so that we could at least put one day behind us and prepare for the next. The next day would see me getting back to work, figuring out the errors, making everything right.

As six o’clock dawned the next morning, a tiny alarm clock by my bed began to ring incessantly. I reached out to stop it, but instead felt a soft, warm body under my hand. I wriggled around furiously, trying to turn over and reach the alarm, but Tera’s shoulder was blocking me

“Tera. Tera. Tera!”

She groaned softly and burrowed down under the thin blankets, giving me just enough extra space to finally shut off the alarm. I slowly maneuvered myself out of the bed, doing my best not to wake her again. It had been extremely odd for me to share my bed with another person, but Tera was not an overly cuddly sleeper, so there had been little awkwardness throughout the evening. I prepared a pot of coffee and showered while I waited for the others to awake so I could finally get my plans and begin working in earnest once again.

About two hours later, Tera and I re-entered the NASA complex, walking as slowly as possible so my father could wheel himself along beside us. When we reached my office, however, something immediately felt wrong.

“The door is unlocked. I always lock the door when I leave.” Tera laughed a bit at my puzzled and suspicious face.

“I’m sure nothing is wrong. Maybe you just forgot to lock it.” Suddenly, her face got a bit more serious, taking on an almost disgusted tinge. “Or maybe Alex came to pick something up and didn’t lock the door.”

“I doubt it. He ran out of the hospital in a hurry and said he would be gone for a few days. Maybe he’s already been back, but then he should be here working. I don’t know. He’s been acting oddly lately.”

I slowly eased the door open, glancing around the windowless room for any signs of intruders, though I knew I was in one of the most secure facilities around. When no immediate dangers presented themselves, I flipped the light switch next to the doorway and the room flooded with fluorescent light.

“Everything looks clear, guys, you can come in.”

Tera looked at my father’s chair and at the lack of space in the office and said, “I don’t think we’ll all fit. Why don’t you get your plans and we’ll meet you back in the lobby?”

I nodded briefly, then turned to shuffle around the corner of my desk so that I could reach the correct drawer. When I finally managed to pry the drawer open from my uncomfortable angle, I found nothing inside. “What? Where is everything? My plans, the calculations…where is it all?” I walked all the way around my desk, searching everywhere. I even began to check Alex’s desk before realizing that his desk was always completely empty. He didn’t even have a single pen or piece of paper in his desk. It was something to write on, to lean against, to take up space in the office, but nothing in which he could be bothered to invest any part of himself. Just another tool.

I ran from the office, not even bothering to close the door, let alone lock it behind me. Why bother with locks when my entire life’s work just disappeared from my office? I reached the lobby in what felt like mere seconds, staring around the room for Tera. When I found her, she was talking to a security guard at the desk, looking at a small metal object he was holding up.

“Tera,” I whispered breathlessly, “someone stole them. They’re gone! Everything!” Tera turned to face me, her shock clearly registered in her features.

“What do you mean, gone? Completely?”

I nodded rapidly, pulling her away from the desk to tell her what happened.

“I bet Alex had something to do with this. You said yourself that he had been acting odd lately; maybe he’s been planning this for a while. Even if it isn’t him, maybe he was an accomplice of some sort.”

I looked at her skeptically, wondering how possible it was. “He was acting odd, and he was kind of rude at the hospital, but other than that, he has always been a good office mate. And besides, he’s probably had plenty of opportunities before now.” Even as I spoke, though, I began to hesitate. Alex’s unusual behavior just before my plans disappeared was certainly something to consider.

“Tera, we have to find out for sure. One way or another, we need to know. If he has them, God only knows what he plans to do with them. I need to start fresh and do everything right this time.”