23: Luna

Tera continued to hold me for another few moments before gently nuzzling her cheek against the top of my head, inhaling quietly. I could tell that even in this moment of terror, she was enjoying what little peace she could take from something as simple as the fact that I still used the same shampoo she once recommended to me. I sniffled a bit, swallowing back as many of the tears as I could. “I need to get my plans, Tera. If I’m going to have to take care of my father and keep up with my work, I need to get all of my papers together and bring them back here.” I saw the disapproving look in her eyes almost before it appeared. “I’m not trying to cover it up anymore, Tera. I’m trying to make it work. But something is wrong with my calculations and I don’t know what it is. I have to figure it out. I have to make it work. I need it to work.”

Tera sighed. “Star, you know I’m here for you, but you had better never leave me to take care of your father all by myself, especially if it is to break the trust of the American people all over again. You have to get the math right this time. No more lies.”

“Don’t worry, Tera. I’ll—no, we’ll—figure it out. But it is a long trip back to NASA and I’ll need those papers soon if I’m going to get this project to work so that we don’t have to worry about the cover-up anymore.”

She sighed and mumbled, “All right, fine, I’ll go see about getting your father released this afternoon. But you still have to help. You can’t go stealing my car or anything.”

“Now, why would you even suggest such a thing?” I grinned mischievously at her. “I promise I won’t steal your car.”

We went back into the hospital, splitting up just inside the entrance. Tera went to go see what paperwork was necessary to get my father released immediately now that his condition was stable; I went back toward his room and stood in the hallway, remembering life as it had been in the past and how it would inevitably be in the very near future. All I could hope was that, with any luck, he would learn very quickly how to be self-sufficient. He could say all he wanted about being proud of me or about making a change in our relationship, but I knew that those behaviors that had made me disown him as soon as I could were set in stone and would never remain changed for very long. No amount of remorse brought on by painkillers and missing legs can really change anything, I thought bitterly.

Eventually Tera returned with a collection of nurses ready to help us gather up my father and leave. “You’ll have to be careful with him, dearie,” one old woman whispered. “It’s going to be hard for him to adjust. He won’t be able to walk, so you’ll need to get him a special wheelchair and make your house more accessible for him. You’ll probably have to give him baths every day or two for a while, just until he gets used to doing it for himself. He’s going to need help going everywhere and doing everything, so just be patient with him. It’ll be fine.” She smiled at me sympathetically, a fake tear gleaming in the corner of her eye.

I glared at her, hating the list of things she had just mentioned, wishing that none of it was real, that nothing had ever happened. Of course, wishing does nothing but slow you down and waste the time that you could use working through problems like getting to the moon. Think about the moon, not about your father. Get to the moon first, then deal with him. With her. With this whole mess.

After a painfully long hour waiting on all of the necessary paperwork and the heavy lifting that took place despite my father’s many protests, Tera and I loaded Dad into the backseat of the car and began the drive back to NASA. Though there were times when I wanted to start a conversation, to ask all the whys and hows I never got to ask before, but with my drunk of a father sitting in the backseat, barely able to hold himself up on the winding roads of the Southern backcountry we were driving through, I felt even more constrained than I ever had in our office, even knowing there was always a chance someone was listening in. At least there I could hold to the illusion of privacy. In this crowded little car, there was no such thing.

Hours later, we arrived back at home. The sun was setting, leaving a purplish stain across the sky. I was slumped down in my seat, the weight of my father’s presence pressing down onto my shoulders, causing tension and pain to shoot through my joints at every loud snore or cough. Tera could tell by the position of my body that another moment in such close proximity to my father without the intellectual buffer my plans would provide would likely end in death, so she quickly got out of the car and ran to help my father make it into his new wheelchair.

We sat silently through dinner, each waiting for the others to go to bed. Eventually, we all forced ourselves to sleep so that we could at least put one day behind us and prepare for the next. The next day would see me getting back to work, figuring out the errors, making everything right.

As six o’clock dawned the next morning, a tiny alarm clock by my bed began to ring incessantly. I reached out to stop it, but instead felt a soft, warm body under my hand. I wriggled around furiously, trying to turn over and reach the alarm, but Tera’s shoulder was blocking me

“Tera. Tera. Tera!”

She groaned softly and burrowed down under the thin blankets, giving me just enough extra space to finally shut off the alarm. I slowly maneuvered myself out of the bed, doing my best not to wake her again. It had been extremely odd for me to share my bed with another person, but Tera was not an overly cuddly sleeper, so there had been little awkwardness throughout the evening. I prepared a pot of coffee and showered while I waited for the others to awake so I could finally get my plans and begin working in earnest once again.

About two hours later, Tera and I re-entered the NASA complex, walking as slowly as possible so my father could wheel himself along beside us. When we reached my office, however, something immediately felt wrong.

“The door is unlocked. I always lock the door when I leave.” Tera laughed a bit at my puzzled and suspicious face.

“I’m sure nothing is wrong. Maybe you just forgot to lock it.” Suddenly, her face got a bit more serious, taking on an almost disgusted tinge. “Or maybe Alex came to pick something up and didn’t lock the door.”

“I doubt it. He ran out of the hospital in a hurry and said he would be gone for a few days. Maybe he’s already been back, but then he should be here working. I don’t know. He’s been acting oddly lately.”

I slowly eased the door open, glancing around the windowless room for any signs of intruders, though I knew I was in one of the most secure facilities around. When no immediate dangers presented themselves, I flipped the light switch next to the doorway and the room flooded with fluorescent light.

“Everything looks clear, guys, you can come in.”

Tera looked at my father’s chair and at the lack of space in the office and said, “I don’t think we’ll all fit. Why don’t you get your plans and we’ll meet you back in the lobby?”

I nodded briefly, then turned to shuffle around the corner of my desk so that I could reach the correct drawer. When I finally managed to pry the drawer open from my uncomfortable angle, I found nothing inside. “What? Where is everything? My plans, the calculations…where is it all?” I walked all the way around my desk, searching everywhere. I even began to check Alex’s desk before realizing that his desk was always completely empty. He didn’t even have a single pen or piece of paper in his desk. It was something to write on, to lean against, to take up space in the office, but nothing in which he could be bothered to invest any part of himself. Just another tool.

I ran from the office, not even bothering to close the door, let alone lock it behind me. Why bother with locks when my entire life’s work just disappeared from my office? I reached the lobby in what felt like mere seconds, staring around the room for Tera. When I found her, she was talking to a security guard at the desk, looking at a small metal object he was holding up.

“Tera,” I whispered breathlessly, “someone stole them. They’re gone! Everything!” Tera turned to face me, her shock clearly registered in her features.

“What do you mean, gone? Completely?”

I nodded rapidly, pulling her away from the desk to tell her what happened.

“I bet Alex had something to do with this. You said yourself that he had been acting odd lately; maybe he’s been planning this for a while. Even if it isn’t him, maybe he was an accomplice of some sort.”

I looked at her skeptically, wondering how possible it was. “He was acting odd, and he was kind of rude at the hospital, but other than that, he has always been a good office mate. And besides, he’s probably had plenty of opportunities before now.” Even as I spoke, though, I began to hesitate. Alex’s unusual behavior just before my plans disappeared was certainly something to consider.

“Tera, we have to find out for sure. One way or another, we need to know. If he has them, God only knows what he plans to do with them. I need to start fresh and do everything right this time.”