Chapter 15: Luna

I stood up on the spot, knowing that if I lingered in the hallway any longer my resolve to ever face my father again would diminish. And, of course, a distraction from everything on my mind.

"I guess I need to go check on my father," I replied to Tera's questioning eyes. She nodded understandingly and stood to follow me into the room.

"Where have you been? I am hungry. The nurse brought this food around an hour ago, you expect me to just feed myself?" I walked calmly to my father's side, uncovered his hot plate of food, and began to scoop up small bites of food towards his mouth. Chicken, potatoes, green beans, chicken, potatoes, green beans, drink. I kept repeating the food cycle. Bringing each bite to his mouth and waiting until he was done chewing to lift the next bite for him to consume. I could feel Tera's eyes burning a hole into my back, but I could not look at her. I could not turn around and smile the smile that would say, This is my family, the one that I tried so hard to hide from you. It would feel to affirming of the situation at hand. Chicken, potatoes, green beans...

"Luna, what do you do with your life anyways? Anything? Anything that amounts to something? Or are you still just chasing dreams?" My father's questions shocked me. He was not asking it in a condescending tone like usual, but seemed to be trying as nicely as he could manage to learn something about me. I think it was the first time that he had actually ever attempted to even feign interest in my life.

"I work for NASA Dad."

"I know that. I do listen you know. But what in the hell does that mean. You always through around words and ideas, but really it doesn't make one damn bit of sense." I stared into his face with my mouth hanging open, waiting for the words I so badly wanted to say to spill out. Yeah Dad, I am the one who is actually going to put someone on the moon! I am the one who solved out all the equations to build a rocket that could take living human beings into outer space to explore and discover worlds unknown! Me!

Instead I gently laid down the fork and walked towards the door.

"I am just going to go get some more coffee and try to find out something about when your doctor will be back by."

I pushed the heavy door open and squeezed out. The hallway was startlingly bright compared to the dimly lit room I just escaped. I stared back down the hallway where only moments ago I stared after the back of Alex as he went to fetch me coffee. I looked down at my watch, 4:02. I didn't really need coffee. Instead I made the loop around the nurses' station and stood there patiently until one of them decided to once again resume their post. If people think that NASA is bad I wonder what they make of hospitals? You can never seem to find someone when you need them and when you do no one seems to have an answer for anything.

"Can I help you dear?" A middle aged women named Sarah with a southern drawl appeared out of a back room.

"Yes, I was wondering about Mr. Starchild's doctor, when will he be in again?"

"Oh, no telling with those doctors dear. But they usually don't stop by until after one."

"That late huh?"

"Oh yes, I know what a pain it can be, but busy men you know?"

"Yes, well thank you." I stood there a little longer, watching aimlessly as she shuffled papers around her desk.

"Anything else dear?" There was a tone of annoyance now. As if my being there was preventing her from escaping back from whence she came.

"Umm....Where is the coffee?"

"Down the hallway and to the left, first door."

My feet began to move without my permission, carrying me towards the liquid that would only keep me awake to this nightmare. I poured the brown sludge into a cup. I could feel through the foam cup that it was not even slightly warm anymore. I still poured a couple of packs of sugar into it and gave it a try. Stale. I looked around the room and there was no where to dispose of the liquids and the trash can was un-lined. Hesitantly I removed the pot from its home in the coffee maker and dumped the contents back in, tossed the cup, and walked out of the room.

When I arrived back at my father's room I heard Tera's voice carrying to the hallway. I paused at the door and listened.

"You know, Luna is a very bright girl. Amazing really. You know that moon landing, that was all her."

"Why can't she ever just plainly tell me what she is up to? She has always been so secretive."

"I know, but sometimes I think her brain is so busy working that she forgets that not everyone is inside her head keeping up with her."

"I really do love her you know. I just have never known what to do with her. I was so young when she was born, and then her mother died. What the hell was a twenty-year-old supposed to do with a new born baby? And then while she was growing up, she reminded me of her mother so much. It was hard to deal with. Every time Luna laughed or danced I saw her mother and had to live the pain of her death all over again. And damn is that girl smart. Always has been. Never really was much for books myself. I just never have known how to talk to her."

I felt a wrenching feeling in my gut and a wave of heat move up my body to my head, filling my ears with a ringing sound. Why couldn't he ever tell me any of this? Why couldn't he ever talk to me about my mother? That topic was always taboo in our house. Never was I allowed to be sad about not having a mother. And here he was, spilling his guts to the leak that could ruin my career.

I pushed the door open with too much force, causing it to bang loudly against the wall behind it. Tera looked up and smiled at me mid spoon full, and my fathers open mouth snapped shut quickly as he turned away with glassy eyes.